Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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