A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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