I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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