in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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