Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
