I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
