I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
