Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
