the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
