so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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