pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
