i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
