stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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