On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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