but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
