Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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