Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
