either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
