bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
