Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
