either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
