we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
