I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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