Is it normal to miss your booty call?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
