Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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