I CAN MOONWALK!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
