I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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