Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
