On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
