Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
