You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
