so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
