Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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