fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
