you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My ass is underappreciated
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
