she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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