i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
