she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
