You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
