I cannot find my penis.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
