It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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