You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
