put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
