So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Semen is not good for contacts.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
