I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
