the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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