There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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