I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
