fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
