your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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