Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
