Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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