dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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