I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
