She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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